Pissed off White Guy for President
So, um, about Tuesday and who I voted for.
I’m late with posting this, but I’m a pissed off black guy. Being late comes with the territory. And with the melanin.
Tuesday was exciting for those who voted…if your vote counted. There are, however, some things I take issue with. Obamacare was full of corporate giveaways and had an individual mandate, but no real cost controls. Thanks for making me buy not only a product, but one that sucks.
I was a bit caught up in Obama-mania like everyone else, and rightly so. Look, Obama, I believe, still is a genuine real individual. And at very least, he’s a black man in a suit and not an empty suit. He thought he could change Washington rather than become a part of it, and many others did too.
Now if any of the information below bugs you, and you voted for Obama but have no clue what I’m talking about, go look it up. If you do know, ask yourself one more time: did you truly vote for him or were you voting for the lesser of two evils? 4 years ago, I was in tears on election night . Oh and fuck Ferris Bueller, I had the best day off EVER.
I am very happy with Tuesday’s outcome given the realistic possibilities–however, Obama’s mantra of “change” gives me pause, knowing some things he has (or has not) done.
So let’s think of someone else that gives a voice to the people. Someone that is a great public speaker, always seemed wise for his age, questions the status quo, and did it through his career, and if he takes the Oval Office would bring honesty with us—saying stuff that our President won’t say on television. And let’s face it, Obama’s only prolonging the inevitable, this country’s going to hell in a handbasket, so I could use some laughs while our nation falls. So yes, I present my vote for this year and maybe 2016 if everything still sucks.
And before you ask, yes, I did look at third party candidates. Jill Stein is close to ideal for me, but she doesn’t have executive experience, lacked some specifics on energy policy, plus a she’s a sexagenarian Jewish grandmother from Massachusetts—she’s old and cute, but her public speaking skills miiiiiiiiight need work. Maybe she will run again next time, but for now, here’s why I voted Carlin this year. No really, I did.
1) I never needed the news to tell me this, but I don’t live in a swing state anymore. My home state, Missouri, was once the swingiest of swing states, siding with the winner of Presidential elections 24 out of 25 times in 100 years (1956 being the exception). This trend broke in 2008 with McCain edging Obama, Romney won here by 15 points yesterday, and despite his defeat, the fact that Todd Akin was thought to be a good challenger to Claire McCaskill shows me that the “show-me state” has lost his goddamn mind. Thankfully, Mr. Akin’s butt is now aching from the pounding taken at the ballot box, and Claire McCaskill is thankful for not having to face a legitimate candidate.
Akin jokes aside…really, Claire, pay your goddamn taxes or in 2018 you’ll be up a river without a paddle…on a float trip. I know you’re pro-choice, but that there’s an abortion.
2) A pissed off black guy on the internet is fine, but not in Washington. Yes, our demographics are changing, but after 4 years, we know what happens if Barack gets off his rocker: SOMEONE’s gonna pull the “black and angry” card. Fox News is just chomping at the bit. So there will be much he wants to say to us, but, he won’t say them on television, but Carlin said a lot of words. Seven in particular.
George Carlin arguably is the reason why you pay extra money to hear someone say on HBO say “fuck”. No seriously, some guy got pissed off, and instead of turning the station when his kid was around, he decided the government had to get involved. He’s probably not afraid of endangering his career because of a hot blonde. Tiger Woods wasn’t afraid of hot blondes fucking up his career–he instead FUCKED them. Barack, take notes from your mixed-race brethren, ok?
3) His humor helped me learn some hard truths, particularly regarding our country’s political discourse:
a) The American Dream likely will never become a reality.
b) Your vote doesn’t count, and (if you don’t live in a swing state) you’re nothing more than a participant in the red, white, and blue circlejerk.
c) Rights are a just figment of our imagination (or God-Given, close enough)
These are just a few of his beliefs conveyed through the medium of stand up. Some of this may just seems like clever wordplay, sure, but what also makes comedy funny is little nuggets, sometimes hard bits of truth, that people always think but do not say. If I was white and didn’t vote for Obama, yes, that would make me racist, but my vote was an attempt to show my idealism over pragmatism. Given today’s politics, these sides of me are constantly wrestling with me. A vote for Obama in ’08 satisfied both sides of me. This year, not so much.
4) If you don’t think he has a chance to win, you’re wrong. Yes, he’s dead. A dead guy can’t POSSIBLY win, right? Except for, well, it’s happened before. Mel Carnahan ran against incumbent John Ashcroft in 2000 for U.S. senate in what was a very close race for the whole campaign. Carnahan, unfortunately was killed along with his son, the pilot, just outside the St. Louis area. His wife, Jean, took the seat, until a special election (which the Missouri state constitution requires) was held in 2002 and she ultimately lost.
I’m sure there are loopholes in the system, I’ll check these out. So if you’re going to argue a dead guy can’t win, libertarians, nice try. This is why you should join forces with me.
I’m not gonna lie, this election was a bit anticlimactic, thanks to Nate Silver (goddamn math making pontificanting pundits irrelevant) and having to write two reaction videos/posts was pointless. If Romney won, all I’d have was a video of me throwing shit. For 6 minutes. Not funny after awhile.
But as a result, those who ridiculed my vote no longer matter—and I am questioning the system with just one vote and a little bit of logic. Now just wait until I pull a Donald Trump and say something completely retarded. In the meantime, I’ll keep an eye on things, discuss what I feel is important, and lay off rooting for a political party like it’s a sports team. I can wait three months to get pissed off about that.
And while I refuse to settle, I gotta admit that Democrats have a chance to win me over with their very own crazy angry uncle—Joe Biden.