The Id of Idleness – The Drive-Thru

Posted in Uncategorized on March 24, 2013 by teemunney

I am an advocate of the paleo diet–more on that in later entries–but I am not exactly on the diet as it is more expensive than the Standard American Diet, which as a fledgling substitute teacher (more on this later also), makes me…well…SAD.

Even when not paleo-ing though, I observe humans in their habitats, craving cups of corn syrup, carbing up with french fries, and fucking over their kids by force-feeding them friend chicken nuggets–and I gotta say, we are going to be stuck as a people eventually.  No, literally stuck IN OUR CARS.

So this morning, I go to a McDonalds and notice the drive-through line is spilled over in nearly both directions.Image

Essentially, the entire restaurant is encircled by cars, and people are trying to go in/out of the same (small) entrance.  Upon seeing this clusterfuck, I say to myself “HEY, it’s fast food, maybe it would be FASTER if I go inside to acquire my sausage burrito and hash browns.”  I take note of the cars and their position in line.

I order my food and it is ready more freaky fast than Jimmy John’s could ever dream of.  Even the cashier was dumbfounded–I got my food before my change.  Not even kidding.  I check my order to ensure accuracy, saunter out of the restaurant, and take a look at the line’s progress.  Only two cars have ordered from the drive thru.  TWO.  I walked a grand total of 200 feet and the cars in line moved 20 feet.  I look dumb wearing shorts in the 30-degree weather, they look dumber on their smartphones, telling Facebook how good their breakfast is gonna be, pledging their alleigance to corporate america with crony capitalism and selective justice for those with good lawyers.

 

This is why we can’t have universal healthcare.

Posted in Uncategorized on March 12, 2013 by teemunney

This is the first of two videos I have done in the past month or so that I have not posted to this blog, but have posted on Facebook and elsewhere.

I had to get in on the Harlem Shake craze.  It’s ridiculously simple to do, first of all.  And there were other reasons, like promoting my channel.  If you like critical thinking (like I do), you should hate the Harlem Shake and everything about it.  As such, if you like critical thinking–all I ask is to hang in there for one more video.  Just trust me once you get to the 15 second mark.

 

I also would like to add that this is the highest viewed video in the “Pissed Off Black Guy” series.  Not sure if I should feel proud or if I should relinquish the last iota of faith I have in humanity.

VIDEO DUMP #1

Posted in Uncategorized on March 11, 2013 by teemunney

This is the first of two videos I have done in the past month or so that I have not posted to this blog, but have posted on Facebook and elsewhere.

This one was in early February about the Super Bowl–an updated version of my first ever vid, done leaner, tighter, and awesome-er.  It was well received, but if you missed it, here you go.

 

Black Friday Rage (and random displays of teh stoopid that have bugged me lately)

Posted in Uncategorized on November 23, 2012 by teemunney

I haven’t slept in almost 2 days and I’m supposed to get white-girl wasted with white girls tonight.  So here’s a post of random stuff that intrigued me during my reunion with a high school classmate (not from ho-town, the boarding school) today, along with things that have annoyed me over the past couple of days.  I am uploading a video currently, so think of this as the tease before the please.

1)      Fuck Black Friday and the nignorance surrounding this spectacle.  I see no point in standing in line to buy shit at midnight, so I will mock this chicanery by using politically correct words like “nignorance”.  Besides, my sole Black Friday shopping experience was  I got a sweet cell phone last year for $50 (half off).  Went to Best Buy at 4pm.  No trampling necessary.  I also know the meaning of Christmas more than most.  And I don’t really believe in God.  What a country.

2)      I regularly black out on Fridays, anyway.  You say I’m doing black Friday wrong, but I beg to differ.

3)      White girls love me because I drink heavily and am brutally honest with people, myself, and how I see the world.  I don’t have a girlfriend though, because I drink heavily and am brutally honest with people, myself, and how I see the world.

4)      Now that Ron Paul is leaving Congress (more on this topic in a future post), it’s safe to say that he’s going to eventually live in a nursing home and develop dementia.  He’ll be the guy in the hallway in a wheelchair being all like “AUSTRIAN ECONOMICS!”

“HEY GUYS, REMEMBER AYN RAND?  I FUCKED HER AND SHE DIDN’T WANT TO CUDDLE AFTERWARD”

“WEDNESDAY NIGHT’S LIBERTARIAN BINGO NIGHT.  NO FREE SPACE IN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE IT SYMBOLIZES GOVERNMENT HANDOUTS”

5)      Speaking of Ron Paul, I’m not sure how one can call himself a libertarian but think Dr. Paul is an idiot.  Then again, Republicans knew Romney was an idiot, but not having melanin makes up for that.  Can’t have a black guy in the White House that’s not a janitor, you know.

6)      Government is a lot like Internet Explorer.  It’s too bulky, not responding, crashes, and always offers to find a solution to the problem, which inevitably makes it worse.

7)      A girl got in my car and completely overlooked the box of condoms and K-Y Jelly in my passenger seat.  No fucks given on either side of this social interaction.  I should actually see how females respond on first dates.  They may say “wtf”, I say “hey, let’s cut to the chase—I’m horny, AND I practice safe sex.  I only do 5 minutes of foreplay though, and if you can’t get your hole wet in 5 minutes…not my problem.

8)      My aunt lives in the projects and has one of those “obama phones”.  She gets perfect reception here.  My phone is roaming.  Fuck Sprint.  And the liberal agenda of punishing success.

9)      If St. Louis were partitioned like Korea, Delmar is the 38th Parallel.  Hey fuck you, my analogies are awesome.

10)   I got lost in Dupo and in East St. Louis ON THE SAME DAY.  Regarding the latter, I should’ve taken the route I know, because that on ramp to 55/70 was not there.  Both were traumatizing experiences though.  And if I had to pick which town I’d rather be lost in…well, you may as well ask “do I want to get lynched or mugged?”

11)   HYPERINFLATION IS COMING.  Except libertarians have been screaming that since the 80s.  I’m still waiting.  Also, China only owns 9% of our debt, so no need to invest in Chinese babies.  Gold is still a solid investment, though.

12)   I didn’t steal your bike.  For the last goddamn time, go away.

13)   What is a Twerkit Frenzy and why does she want to guest post on my blog?  I’ll have to talk to her about this.  Maybe she can snaz up the layout and stuff.

14)   It amazes me how little research people do on drugs before taking them.  I find psychopathology fascinating.  I also don’t want to overdose (a large number of Vicodin users have no clue what a cold water extraction is, for example.  Save your liver, people).  I look at an Adderall and see a raecemic mixture of amphetamine salts where the left and right-hand isomers target different parts of the dopamine reward pathway and extremities of the central nervous system.  Some hobo sees an Adderall and goes “hey, it’s orange,  orange  gets me going” and takes it because, well, he’s a bum and stimulants make masturbating behind dumpsters more entertaining I guess.

Video will be up in an hour-ish.  Keep your vaginas lubricated, kids.  Otherwise you’re not gonna withstand the pounding that will take place.

Pissed off White Guy for President

Posted in Political Humor on November 12, 2012 by teemunney

So, um, about Tuesday and who I voted for.

I’m late with posting this, but I’m a pissed off black guy.  Being late comes with the territory.  And with the melanin.

Tuesday was exciting for those who voted…if your vote counted.  There are, however, some things I take issue with.  Obamacare was full of corporate giveaways and had an individual mandate, but no real cost controls.  Thanks for making me buy not only a product, but one that sucks.

Found this on Reddit–and there are other things too that I have issues with.

I was a bit caught up in Obama-mania like everyone else, and rightly so. Look, Obama, I believe, still is a genuine real individual. And at very least, he’s a black man in a suit and not an empty suit.  He thought he could change Washington rather than become a part of it, and  many others did too.

Now if any of the information below bugs you, and you voted for Obama but have no clue what I’m talking about, go look it up. If you do know, ask yourself one more time: did you truly vote for him or were you voting for the lesser of two evils? 4 years ago, I was in tears on election night .  Oh and fuck Ferris Bueller, I had the best day off EVER.

I am very happy with Tuesday’s outcome given the realistic possibilities–however, Obama’s mantra of “change” gives me pause, knowing some things he has (or has not) done.

So let’s think of someone else that gives a voice to the people.  Someone that is a great public speaker, always seemed wise for his age, questions the status quo, and did it through his career, and if he takes the Oval Office would bring honesty with us—saying stuff that our President won’t say on television.  And let’s face it, Obama’s only prolonging the inevitable, this country’s going to hell in a handbasket, so I could use some laughs while our nation falls. So yes, I present my vote for this year and maybe 2016 if everything still sucks.

If George Carlin from 1988 onward did not epitomize the pissed off white guy, I don’t know what does. Yeah, the Tea Party is full of them. But they’re also idiots.

And before you ask, yes, I did look at third party candidates.  Jill Stein is close to ideal for me, but she doesn’t have executive experience, lacked some specifics on energy policy, plus a she’s a sexagenarian Jewish grandmother from Massachusetts—she’s old and cute, but her public speaking skills miiiiiiiiight need work.  Maybe she will run again next time, but for now, here’s why I voted Carlin this year.  No really, I did.

I don’t take voting seriously? I beg to differ.

1)      I never needed the news to tell me this, but I don’t live in a swing state anymore.  My home state, Missouri, was once the swingiest of swing states, siding with the winner of Presidential elections 24 out of 25 times in 100 years (1956 being the exception).  This trend broke in 2008 with McCain edging Obama, Romney won here by 15 points yesterday, and despite his defeat, the fact that Todd Akin was thought to be a good challenger to Claire McCaskill shows me that the “show-me state” has lost his goddamn mind.  Thankfully, Mr. Akin’s butt is now aching from the pounding taken at the ballot box, and Claire McCaskill is thankful for not having to face a legitimate candidate.

Akin jokes aside…really, Claire, pay your goddamn taxes or in 2018 you’ll be up a river without a paddle…on a float trip.  I know you’re pro-choice, but that there’s an abortion.

2)      A pissed off black guy on the internet is fine, but not in Washington.  Yes, our demographics are changing, but after 4 years, we know what happens if Barack gets off his rocker: SOMEONE’s gonna pull the “black and angry” card.  Fox News is just chomping at the bit.  So there will be much he wants to say to us, but, he won’t say them on television, but Carlin said a lot of words.  Seven in particular.

George Carlin arguably is the reason why you pay extra money to hear someone say on HBO say “fuck”. No seriously, some guy got pissed off, and instead of turning the station when his kid was around, he decided the government had to get involved.  He’s probably not afraid of endangering his career because of a hot blonde.  Tiger Woods wasn’t afraid of hot blondes fucking up his career–he instead FUCKED them.  Barack, take notes from your mixed-race brethren, ok?

3)      His humor helped me learn some hard truths, particularly regarding our country’s political discourse:

a) The American Dream likely will never become a reality.

b) Your vote doesn’t count, and (if you don’t live in a swing state) you’re nothing more than a participant in the red, white, and blue circlejerk.

c) Rights are a just figment of our imagination (or God-Given, close enough)

These are just a few of his beliefs conveyed through the medium of stand up.  Some of this may just seems like clever wordplay, sure, but what also makes comedy funny is little nuggets, sometimes hard bits of truth, that people always think but do not say.  If I was white and didn’t vote for Obama, yes, that would make me racist, but my vote was an attempt to show my idealism over pragmatism.  Given today’s politics, these sides of me are constantly wrestling with me.  A vote for Obama in ’08 satisfied both sides of me.  This year, not so much.

4)      If you don’t think he has a chance to win, you’re wrong.  Yes, he’s dead.  A dead guy can’t POSSIBLY win, right?  Except for, well, it’s happened before.  Mel Carnahan ran against incumbent John Ashcroft in 2000 for U.S. senate in what was a very close race for the whole campaign.  Carnahan, unfortunately was killed along with his son, the pilot, just outside the St. Louis area.  His wife, Jean, took the seat, until a special election (which the Missouri state constitution requires) was held in 2002 and she ultimately lost.

I’m sure there are loopholes in the system, I’ll check these out.  So if you’re going to argue a dead guy can’t win, libertarians, nice try.  This is why you should join forces with me.

I’m not gonna lie, this election was a bit anticlimactic, thanks to Nate Silver (goddamn math making pontificanting pundits irrelevant) and having to write two reaction videos/posts was pointless.  If Romney won, all I’d have was a video of me throwing shit. For 6 minutes.  Not funny after awhile.

But as a result, those who ridiculed my vote no longer matter—and I am questioning the system with just one vote and a little bit of logic.  Now just wait until I pull a Donald Trump and say something completely retarded. In the meantime, I’ll keep an eye on things, discuss what I feel is important, and lay off rooting for a political party like it’s a sports team.  I can wait three months to get pissed off about that.

And while I refuse to settle, I gotta admit that Democrats have a chance to win me over with their very own crazy angry uncle—Joe Biden.

Drunk Texts and White Girls #1

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on November 9, 2012 by teemunney

Why do drunk texts piss me off?  They don’t–it’s just that I’m kind of an alcoholic.  It comes with the territory of being angry.  And they’re hilarious.  Two other things as I start this (likely) recurring segment:

1) I may or may not ask permission beforehand if I can post stuff; however, identity will be protected by blocking name/number/photo.

2) I may expand this to include more than just white females–in the meantime, don’t blame me for perpetuating white-girl-wastedness, ladies.  You brought it on yourself.  Right, Jenna?

If you didn’t read my not-so-brief-and-obvious-to-political-junkies analysis the other day, I understand.  Election day is like sex–when it’s over you might want the guy/girl to shut the hell up.  If you’re getting it on with Einstein, no need for him to discuss his theory of relativity.  Especially if he was faster than the speed of light in the sack.

Next time I talk politics here, beer beforehand would be a good idea.  Perhaps more than one.  She had several beverages last Friday:

I mean…she hates politics and she told me everything she hates about politics, like I asked.

No, I was talking to you on Facebook also.  And I wound up staying up all night because weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I will give credit though on Romney not fixing anything–that 12 million number he kept parroting is simply what most mainstream economists predicted in economic growth.  So he wasn’t really “promising” as much as saying “I can do at least par for the course”.

A golf analogy describing the mediocrity of a partial black guy’s opponent.  Doesn’t sound too good on ESPN or CNN, does it?

(edited to provide link showing mitt’s BS)

Advice to Republicans They Will Not Follow (And Other Stuff Yesterday)

Posted in Uncategorized on November 8, 2012 by teemunney

Yesterday was a high-traffic day on the internet, and now that more people know about the blog, a brief post is now warranted to remind people of its existence.  A video will be up tomorrow, so even though I am later (and therefore blacker) than I thought with this, here’s a teaser saying the script is more or less done and I will record it tonight, assuming I do not drink too much vodka.

So Obama won re-election barring the Electoral College going bipolar next month ,so I will support the president despite not voting for him—but will keep an eye on what he does and if promises that went unfulfilled get done. Today, of course, is national “what the fuck did we learn from yesterday” day, where the news tells you what to think about yesterday’s election they told you to think about.  Thankfully, I’m not Terri Schiavo.  Tired, but not a vegetable.  I however do not have cable news and didn’t read much online so I’m not completely parroting my thoughts on yesterday’s all-American circlejerk.

And yeah, I said next month.  Not a reason why the electoral college should be abolished, but few folks know how it works at all given conversations with people lately.

 That said, here are my personal takeaways from yesterday.

 1) The Republican Party chose the person they thought could beat Obama the most easily and not the best person for the job.  Running to the political center come election time is understandable, if you have principles that is.  Romney had none whatsoever, and after 4 years I found something I couldn’t give to Bush 4 years ago: a modicum of respect. 

 

2) I respect those with consistent ideals even if I disagree, even those whose opinions evolve given adequate reasoning for modifying their stance.  If someone like Ron Paul were the nominee, that would be a step in the correct direction.  Actually, more than a step given how he fared versus Obama compared to other nominees.

3) Everyone knows one of my two senators now,or at least the guy who was achin’ to beat her…wait still don’t know?  OK, back under your rock please.  My congressman’s seat is safe and he’s, well, acceptable, after that I was reminded of taking the SAT.

4) After voting accordingly per #3, I went bonkers over what should be an easy process.  Confusing propositions to read?  Choosing if this person can keep their position?  Ok, so what if they can’t keep it?  What happens?  I have to vote for judges?  Really?  OK, well, um, I don’t know any of these people, but I’m going to assume that they throw people in jail for smoking pot in the privacy of their own home, so fuck the War on Drugs and fuck these people.

4) Another thing on the SAT analogy: filling in bubbles?  With a pencil?  In 2012?  ELECTRONIC BALLOTS, PEOPLE.  Not to mention the other horror stories I’ve heard from friends or read online.  Thankfully I had no complications otherwise.  But really, streamline this, people.

 

4) On gay marriage and abortion—go ahead and keep thinking these are as important as other issues, Republicans, that is, if you want to become obsolete.  Furthermore, the court won’t be in danger of switching to the right if more justices retire in the next 4 years so obviously it’s raining birth control pills at Sandra Fluke’s house.

5) Foreign policy—Obama is aggressive enough.  If you want to differ from them, saying you’ll take his foreign policy on steroids does make you different, but maybe not what Americans want.

 6) White people are losing America.  No, seriously.  Yesterday was proof positive that our demographics are changing.  The GOP’s policies will not bring in new voters, as they can be divisive.  While I am not a libertarian, I can sympathize a bit.  Going more in that direction, therefore, may be better approach to combat the “socialism” or perhaps collectivism that Democrats embrace.  Or you can whine and I’ll assume this is payback for slavery.  That works.

7) Speaking of socialism, calling your opponent a socialist while criticizing him for cutting forms of socialism (Medicare) makes you a hypocrite.  And I won’t even get into the concept of what constitutes a cut in Washington.  (HINT:  SOMETIMES IT’S NOT A CUT)  

Politics is a big interest of mine, so I figured I’d cover my thoughts and try to joke a bit as well while it’s the topic du jour.  Written posts won’t follow this format, and funniness has an inverse relationship with length it seems.

I’m an engineer as well as a mad black guy.  Deal with the mathematical metaphors or get the fuck out.

Alright, kids–stay tuned tomorrow.

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